Moving on, doesn't mean forgetting
by Jossasund
Summary: Regina finally gets to know why she has been so sick. And it isn't any news anyone wants to have.


—

" _Regina? I know you're in there…"_

 _The queen didn't answer, she just sat with her back against her office door and felt how the tears started to slowly roll down her cheeks. She had just been to the doctors and finally gotten an answer to why she had been so sick and tired these couple of months. And it hadn't been good news…_

" _So Dr. whale, have you finally found out what kind of mean bacteria my wife has?" the sheriff asked as a joke, mostly to hide her anxiety. It couldn't be good news if he had refused to tell Regina what she had over the phone. And when she had called Emma about it, the sheriff had just upped and left the station to accompany her. But her father knew about their situation so he had just let her go._

 _The doctor had done numerous tests on Regina throughout these months and Emma was growing so tired of spending so much time at the hospital, and hated how much time they missed out on spending with Henry and their little child Tilda who was 3 years old by now. Thankfully Emma's parents babysat as much they could. Even Henry did._

 _Regina didn't seem to be anxious at all, as she sat patiently on one of the chairs, but Emma knew she was. If there was anything her queen had, it was a poker face. Emma on the other hand was not at all good with hiding her panic, so she paced back and forth in the office while the doctor sat down and started fiddling with some paper._

 _Finally Dr. Whale cleared his throat, and Emma's head snapped in his direction._

" _Emma, I need you to sit down, please," he said and the blonde rolled her eyes but did as he asked. Quickly Regina's hand took Emma's as they both looked at the doctor. Regina still hadn't said a word, but her grip round Emma's hand tightened as the doctor took off his glasses with a big sigh._

" _Regina… I'm sorry but you have cancer."_

" _I have...?" the queen stuttered, and Emma flew up from her chair, making it fall backwards._

" _Cancer?!" Emma snapped. She didn't know why she got angry with the doctor, because it wasn't like it was his fault._

" _Yes.. It's in her stomach, which explains the problems she has been struggling with.." Whale said carefully._

" _Is it treatable?" both women asked at the same time._

" _I'm afraid not. It's in almost the last stage, so the only thing we can really do is to make her last time comfortable."_

 _The words stuck like knives through both women's hearts and Regina just stood up and left the room. Emma was in shock and when she realized her wife had left, she ran after her._

" _Regina hey, wait! " Emma screamed but her wife ran for her life and the sheriff, who usually ran like a marathon runner, was too tired to keep up. She hadn't slept good for weeks so she stopped in the corridor to catch her breath._

" _Fuck!" she growled, scaring some nurse who just walked by. But she didn't care._

" _Regina, baby, please. Open the door.." Emma pleaded as she put her forehead against the door. She knew Regina was freaking out about the news that she had cancer, but Emma was too. And she needed her queen. She needed to hold her, kiss her and tell her how much she loved her. Even if the words didn't matter right now in a way. There wasn't words that could remove the anxiety in either of their chests. But Emma hated the fact Regina didn't want her near. It broke her heart._

 _The queen dried her tears even if it didn't matter. The tears just kept falling. She knew Emma wanted to hold her, but Regina didn't want that, because she didn't want to see her wife sad. She hated to see Emma in pain. And what should they tell the kids? Regina hid her head in her hands and started to cry even more. Henry was grown up but their daughter? She was just only three! How would Regina be able to tell Tilda she was dying?_

 _Regina thought about how happy she had been while married to Emma. She had finally found her happy ending, but now it seemed life would destroy it for her. Again. Just like always. Regina dried her eyes and leaned her head back against the door and remembered that day Emma had asked her to marry her. It had been the happiest day of her life._

" _Miss Swan, what was so urgent you couldn't wait to see me tomorrow when I dropped Henry off hm?" Regina asked with a chuckle as she climbed into Emma's yellow bug._

" _You'll see. And I promise it's gonna be worth it," the blonde purred as she pecked the queen's lips. They had been dating for awhile and Emma's childlike behavior brought a smile to her lips._

" _Just drive Miss Swan."_

" _Yes, my majesty," Emma grinned as she turned the key._

 _The sheriff drove them to Emma's house and the queen raised an eyebrow at her girlfriend. What was she up to? She followed her to the porch as Emma stopped before she had opened the door._

" _Close your eyes," she said as she took Regina's hand in hers. The queen did as she was told and heard how Emma unlocked the door._

 _She had never experienced the sheriff being this quiet for so long._

" _Can I look Miss Swan?" Regina asked and felt how she missed having Emma's hand in hers._

" _Chill, give me one sec!" the sheriff groaned and even if Regina couldn't see her, she was sure she rolled her eyes._

 _A little while later, Emma let out a big sigh._

" _Okay my queen, you can look," Regina opened her eyes and gasped. The whole room was filled with lit candles and when she looked down, the sheriff stood on one knee in front of her. Regina couldn't believe her eyes._

" _Regina Mills, do you want to marry me?" Emma asked with a shaking voice and the queen suddenly lost the ability to speak. She started to cry and covered her mouth with her hands. She nodded a reply as Emma smiled and put a beautiful ring on her finger. She stood up and pressed a gentle kiss on the queen's forehead._

" _I love you Regina," she said and the queen dried her eyes and pressed her lips against hers._

" _And I love you, Emma Swan"_

 _Emma paced back and forth on the hardwood floor, to anxious to be still. She didn't even know what the clock read by now, but she didn't care. She would be here all night if needed. Emma refused to leave her wife alone. As the blonde dragged her fingers through her hair, the lock to the office door clicked open. She quickly ran up to it and opened it carefully._

 _Regina was still sitting on the floor, almost looking too drained and exhausted to move. The sheriff sat down next to her and Regina laid her head against her shoulder. Neither of them said anything but you could almost cut the tension in the room with a knife._

 _After what felt like years, Emma was the one to break the silence._

" _I can't picture a life without you…" were the only words that she could manage to say as their eyes met. Regina pressed her lips against Emma's._

Emma woke up, hyperventilating, and realizing Regina wasn't in bed next to her made her break down in tears. It had been four years since she had lost the love of her life, to cancer. Some days were easier, some were harder. But she missed Regina every day. She missed waking up beside her, missed falling asleep next to her. Her scent, her voice, how she always called Emma _Miss Swan_ when she got upset with her even if the blonde had taken Regina's last name when they married.

Henry didn't live with Emma anymore, but came and visited every weekend. She lived in the enormous mansion with Tilda, Regina's and hers daughter who was 7 years by now. Emma had never thought she would raise that daughter without Regina but life is what it is, and the blonde tried to make the best of it.

Tilda and Emma spent much time with Emma's parents. She had never thought about trying to date again, but her parents tried to make her reconsider it, at least. It was just probably just a matter of time before her mother would try to set up a blind date.

"Grams! Gramps!" Tilda squealed as they walked inside their house. Emma chuckled at her daughter. She was so full of life and the blonde didn't know what she would do without her. Probably not be alive. It was sad but true.

"Hi Emma," Mary Margaret said with a smile as she hugged her daughter. David was already inside the living room playing soldiers with Tilda.

"Hi mom," Emma replied with a crooked smile. "Coffee?"

"Yeah."

Mary Margaret poured her and Emma a cup each as they sat down on the porch. In the meanwhile David and Tilda went down to the horses.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Mary Margaret asked carefully, taking a good look at her daughter. Emma hadn't been the same since Regina's tragic death. And even if it had been years since it happened, Emma's smile didn't shine as bright as is used to do. She always looked tired and almost broken.

"A couple of hours," Emma replied with a shrug. Her mother took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I know you still miss her Emma, but it has been 4 years. You have to move on."

Even if the blonde knew her mother only meant well and had a right, she still got upset by hearing those words.

"How? How can I forget her?!" Emma snapped. "Would you forget David? If he died?!"

"I didn't say you should forget her. I said you should move on. It's a bit different," Mary Margaret pointed out and Emma reached for a cigarette and lit it. She had been a regular smoker since the loss of her wife.

"I just miss her so fucking much mom…"

" _Emma!" Regina shouted from the bathroom and the blonde almost tripped over herself as she ran in to her wife._

" _Have you… Have you taken the test?" Emma asked with a big grin on her lips._

" _Yes or else I wouldn't have called after you Mrs Mills," Regina said with a chuckle as she stood to her feet and pecked Emma's lips._

" _So.. Tell me! What did it say?" the blonde asked eagerly, and Regina couldn't help but hear how her voice reminded her of Henry when he had been younger, and waiting for a present._

" _It's positive dear,"_

" _Oh my.. Oh my God! We're gonna be parents! We're gonna have a kid!"_

" _Miss Swan, we already have a kid," Regina chuckled and Emma just rolled her eyes. She always called her Miss Swan when she wanted to annoy her._

" _Yeah of course.. But you know what I mean!" Emma huffed and pressed her lips against Regina's ._

"Emma? " Mary Margaret said for the fourth time and finally her daughter met her eyes. She often disappeared into her own thoughts and in some way it felt like Emma preferred the memories of her and Regina's life than to live in the present tense.

"I gotta go for a walk.." Emma shrugged and left her mother before she got the opportunity to say any more.

She walked down to the pasture where Tilda was riding.

"Look Ma! I'm riding!" the girl chuckled as Emma leaned against the fence.

"Looking awesome, kid!" Emma said with a proud smile on her lips. David laid his arms around his daughter as he pressed a kiss on her temple.

"She's a good rider, your little one" David said carefully.

"Yeah, she's Regina's so. I can't even sit on a horse without falling off," Emma said with a shrug. She knew how much Regina had been looking forward to teaching Tilda to ride. But she had never gotten to before the cancer took her life way too fast.

"She's your daughter too Emma. And it's mostly thanks to you she is the one she is today, don't forget that," David said, but Emma didn't really hear what he said. She just wondered when life would feel easier, or if it would be like this for the rest of her life.

"Care to watch her for awhile? I need to go to… You know.. " Emma still couldn't say visit Regina's tombstone, but her father gave her a nod. He knew what she meant.

Regina's last resting place was probably the most looked after grave at the whole graveyard. Emma was there at least twice a week, fixing the candles and always placing a bouquet of red roses by the tombstone.

"Hi baby," Emma said as she leaned down and placed a enormous bouquet of roses by her wife's grave. She let her fingers gently brush against the tombstone and as usual read the writing on it aloud:

" _Here rests the most beautiful Queen, Regina Mills._

 _A dear mother, wife and friend._

 _The world became a little darker the day you left us."_

"It has been four years Regina and I still miss you so freaking much.. I don't think I can do this without you…" Emma said as her voice broke. She dried her eyes but the tears just kept coming. "You were my strength, my queen, my best friend and my one true love. I don't feel like myself without you…."

 _Regina had been rushed to the hospital, and even if Emma hoped her wife would get better, she knew it would just be a matter of time before the cancer started to take over her queen's body. She had been feeling more tired than usual the last couple of weeks and even if Emma had insisted to take her to the hospital, Regina had refused. This morning though she didn't have a choice, since she had just collapsed and Emma had nearly not been fast enough to catch her._

 _Henry gripped his birth mother's hand as they sat out in the waiting room. Tilda wasn't with them. She was at home with Emma's parents. She was too young to understand what was happening and she didn't want to see Regina like this._

" _Mrs. Mills?" a unfamiliar voice said and Emma looked up. It was a young nurse calling for her and she quickly stood to her feet and walked up to her, still holding her son's hand._

" _Your wife wants to see you, this way please."_

 _Emma would never forget the sight of Regina in that hospital bed. Her queen was so pale, so thin and tired. Her eyes didn't shine like they always had but despite this, she smiled when Emma and Henry entered the room._

" _Hi baby," the Sheriff said carefully as she placed a kiss on Regina's forehead._

" _Hi mom," Henry said and sat down on one of the chairs that stood by the bed. "How are you feeling?"_

" _Like I've been run over by a enormous horse.." Regina chuckled but the laughter made her whimper in pain. Emma bit her lip hard to not cry at seeing her beautiful wife in so much pain. And it broke her heart knowing she wouldn't recover from this terrible disease._

 _Emma spent three days by Regina's side before the queen finally drew her last breath. A piece of her died that day as well._

Emma blinked her eyes open when she heard a gentle voice call her name.

"Oh Ruby, hi," Emma said and dried her eyes. Ruby had been a enormous support to her throughout these years.

"Your mom told me you were here and well, I guessed maybe you were hungry so I brought you some lunch from grannies," Ruby said with a shrug. "Even if this maybe isn't the best place to eat… " she quickly added. Ruby offered her hand to Emma and helped her to stand up.

Mary Margaret had always been bugging Emma about dating Ruby. She was clearly interested but the blonde had always shook her head at the thought. And Ruby never pushed for it. She was just happy to be Emma's friend and she was probably the only person who understood her. Ruby didn't look at her with pity in her eyes. Ruby didn't say anything she didn't mean. Like everyone else in town did.

Ruby made Emma smile and as they sat down on a bench outside to eat, the blonde cleared her throat.

"Ruby, do you wanna go out sometime?" the question took the redhead totally by surprise and she almost choked on her drink.

"What made you come around?" Ruby asked curiously and met the blonde's eyes.

"Not my mother's nagging, that's for sure," Emma said with a shrug. "I just guess I'm tired of living alone and I know Regina wouldn't want me to feel like this."

And it was true. Regina had more or less begged Emma to move on the day she was ready. The blonde had not replied to those words, but for some reason she maybe should do as her mother had said. _Because moving on, doesn't mean forgetting._

 _The end.?_


End file.
